Monthly Archives: June 2015

I am not what I feel





My last post discussion was about how we are not our thoughts. Today I will be discussing our emotions.  What are emotions and where do they come from?

I really starting looking into this question when I realized that despite how good my life seemed to be, I still felt bad inside. I didn’t know why I would feel bad because nothing “externally” seemed to be causing me to feel the “mucks”. (In modern lingo…I still had “issues”).

Therapists couldn’t seem to answer my question when I asked them why I felt bad when everything seemed to be going well. The only answer I received was that I must be clinically depressed. It was suggested that maybe my sadness was “seasonal”, but upon further observation, I realized that my sadness didn’t seem to increase around certain time frames…or even certain events. What was triggering the mucks within me? The other explanation was that I had a “chemical imbalance”. I used to like this explanation better because then I knew that I could take some pills to change the whacked chemistry within my brain…but what was causing this imbalance? In the process of trying to find my answer, I’d say that one of the hardest things I had to do was to “sit” with the bad emotions…sadness, fear and all.  For so many years, I had become accustomed to fighting the emotions or trying desperately to distract myself somehow. Or force myself to feel something else. I decided to try and sit with my feelings without judging them…to “observe” what I was feeling. This was difficult at first because our analytical brain wants to figure it out and I found that I just couldn’t… There was no way out as far as I could see. That in itself became another tremendous fear…to feel as if you are immersed in the sadness/fear and feel that there isn’t  really anything you could do about it but to experience it. Initially, there was added sadness thinking that these emotions would resurface every now and again and there didn’t seem to be a way out except to accept them as a part of me. Then soon I started to look behind the emotion…what was the thought that was causing me to feel bad? Simple right? … no. If your “monkey chattering mind” is anything like my monkey mind, it takes a little bit of focus.

I began to see a pattern emerge. The bad feelings were usually a result of a negative thought I had about myself.  It could be something as simple as telling myself that I was no good. Looking for the specific thought behind that negative emotion isn’t always that obvious. It takes some work to recognize it and there are questions we can ask ourselves while we are thought hunting…questions like,  — when was the last time I felt this way? — when was the first time I felt this way?

In this process of remembering, we are trying to figure out the experience(s) that caused the thought and emotion. When we recognize the event, we realize then, that THAT particular event may have dictated our thoughts and emotions at one time…but they no longer need to be a part of our lives. When you’re doing the work of “undoing” the effects of trauma, it takes some time and when I realized just what I was dealing with, I was committed to letting go of the emotions that were preventing me from complete healing. An important lesson in this is to realize healing can be uncomfortable but it is a part of the process and accepting this is a huge step.  It also helps to have someone you feel safe to talk to when you’re going through the mucks. My safety guy is my husband. He just sits and listens to me.

With my relentless search for self acceptance and love, I knew that I was not my feelings, or emotions…that these were just experiences that I was having based on events in my life. I had come to realize that I was so much deeper than my thoughts or emotions…

My inner awakening continues…




We are NOT our thoughts.



On the last entry, I talked about where thoughts come from and would like to expand our discussion on thoughts a little further.  Today I would like to discuss the underlying thoughts behind our negative emotions.

Until I realized that behind a negative emotion, lies the causing thought, there seemed no way for me to change my negative emotions. I just assumed that people feel what they feel when they feel it…not understanding that we can change how we feel by looking at the thought behind the emotion.  I am talking about the moments in my life (and maybe yours as well), when for no apparent reason, I would begin to feel bad, or sad, or fearful.  Outwardly, everything seemed to look good but on my insides, there would be profound sadness…and  fear.

It has been difficult for me, to say the least because for so long, I believed that my  negative emotions were a permanent part of me and the fear and sadness I’ve always felt would forever be there. When I first began my spiritual awakening, I believed that the knowledge I was gaining in my growing awareness would prevent me from having those negative emotions and yet, I was still having them. I do believe however, that for some people who are growing spiritually, acute and sudden transformations can take place and their negative thoughts and emotions are then “transmuted” automatically.  I am not one of those people and I used to ask myself why.  It seemed that my awareness/consciousness was expanding but this particular area of emotional and mental pain was something that I would first have to understand in order to transmute it.

I would have episodes of extreme sadness, sometimes mixed with fear (the mucks) come over me.  In the past, it would cause me such pain followed by a panic that these emotions would get worse. I would often try to fight the feelings or do something that I thought would distract me. I would hear myself telling myself that there should be no reason to be having an attack. Of course this made me feel worse. 

In the recent past, I have had several episodes of the mucks and while I was going through the horrible emotions, I tried to identify the thought behind the initial onset. It is never too late to see the initial thought behind the fear but in my experience, if I don’t “catch it” at the onset, the emotions will come and expand…then I’m immersed in the moment…so I’ll just have to let it ride. I have learned to sit with it, try not to judge it or attach a meaning to it.  It always passes.  I notice that if I worry that the feelings are going to get worse, they usually do.  This proved an important tidbit of knowledge for me.  I began to understand how powerful the mind is. If I can identify the thought behind the emotion while I’m beginning the spiral down, I can then transmute that particular negative thought and turn it around. For example, recently, I began feeling the mucks again and while it was still a “thought form” and not an emotion, I was able to change that thought into a positive one. I ended up telling myself that it was not necessary for me to have that thought at that moment. This sounds silly and so were my erratic emotions so I needed to find the reason or meaning behind it all. My reason for having the mucks may be that in my lifetime, I’d become so “used to” feeling bad that when things are going smoothly, I somehow “convince” myself that I haven’t had an episode for awhile so…it starts…talk about a self fulfilling prophecy.

With practice, I know that we can all change our minds to change our life. It take practice and in the practicing of turning our thoughts around, we become better at it.  

Our minds and our thoughts are very powerful.  If we can convince ourselves to think negatively and bring about negative circumstances, we can also think positively and bring about good thoughts.


With Love, My Journey in Spirit.




Hi everyone!

On my last blog entry, I was discussing our thoughts and where they come from.  Some of the feedback I got back were from people who seemed confused. So I would like to clarify what I was trying to convey in this entry.


On any given day, we can have up to 60,000 thoughts.  We use our thoughts to plan out our day for example, and in this sense, these are constructive thoughts.  Many of them however, are just random thoughts that come and go.  Have you ever asked yourself where these thoughts come from? Believe it or not, our thoughts do not come from our brains. Thoughts are originated from outside our bodies! 

Scientists can hook you up to a scanner and measure your thought “frequencies”.  Thought frequencies (or energy) can be measured, but are not located specifically in our brains.  Our brains are just the central processing units that decode the stimuli which we receive via our 5 senses: seeing, hearing, touching, smelling and tasting. There is an energy field or electro-magnetic field which exists outside and around our bodies. Another way to look at it, the sum of all our experiences, ideas and opinions about any particular thing, lie within this energy field as thought forms. There is also the “collective mind or collective consciousness” or the place-(out there)-which exists, the sum of everyone’s  thoughts or ideas. (We will discuss consciousness more in a later entry).

With babies, they are also receiving stimuli from their 5 senses but do not have any “thoughts” about what they perceive.  This comes later with maturing cognition (the ability to perceive, know and become aware). As we grow and have increased life experiences, the thoughts (and feelings) about these events lie within our energy field as “thought frequencies” and we develop “opinions” about each new experience based on our past experiences. For example, if a small child tries to touch a neighbor’s cute dog for the first time and gets bitten, the child may develop a “thought” that all dogs bite. The next time this child sees a dog, he/she may think that it will be another negative experience based on what the first experience was. Respectively, we also pick up thoughts from those around us. This is what I call “adopting” thoughts of others. 

Many people will sometimes be going about their day and all of a sudden a random thought will enter into their minds and they may wonder to themselves, “where did THAT thought come from?” It came from the “collective thought, or mind”. Because thoughts are energy or, frequencies, we often pick up an idea or thought that was not originally ours. People who can do this consciously are considered psychic or telepathic.

So to summarize, our thoughts/ideas lie within an energy field outside of us which gets built up over time. Sometimes, random thoughts will pop into our heads that do not seem to fit the context of what we may be thinking at the immediate moment… These thoughts may be our own or those of others.

On the next entry, I would like to discuss negative thoughts that seem to repeat themselves over and over again in our minds which often generates bad feelings.