Anger…that emotion really pisses me off! What is anger and how do you deal with anger?
In our society, we are often told to control our anger or to distract ourselves from this emotion. For some of us, we are told that being angry is bad. This is not a good idea. Sure, there may be a temporary reprieve of the angry emotions if we go for a hard run or work out but this has only released the energy around the anger for the moment but has done nothing to resolve the anger.
How do we take care of our anger? Firstly, it is important to admit to yourself that you are angry and tell yourself that it is ok to feel this way. By doing this, you are giving yourself validation for your emotions because they are important! You are important! You want to understand the real reason why you are angry. Anger is usually unresolved hurt or fear. Or a perceived threat to you somehow. To deal with the anger, you need to look at the underlying emotion…but this takes courage. It takes courage because we need to feel ok with feeling vulnerable and admit that we are vulnerable. By looking at these deeper emotions, we can begin to understand the real reason we are angry.
Let’s use an example: Your co worker received the promotion in the office instead of you. You put in long hours on that project and even worked at home and on the weekends. You put your heart and soul into this and yet, Bob was promoted instead of you. Argh!!! Anger!!! But if you were to look at the deeper emotion, you may find that you feel threatened and fearful. Ask yourself what exactly in this situation causes you to feel threatened or fearful? You are fearful that you are not “good enough” and no matter what you do, you will never be good enough and your job status will never get better. You are threatened by Bob.
Be present with these emotions. It doesn’t feel good to feel vulnerable but remember, all of this is just a -perceived threat-. So consciously feel these emotions. If you are anything like me…it may even lead to tears. As you sit with the feeling of vulnerability, you will notice that the anger emotion begins to fade.
Another way to deal with anger is to put your pen to paper! Writing out your anger words can help to diffuse your anger.
In dealing with your anger, you want to make a cognitive change or shift and you do this by developing empathy or compassion towards the person that you are angry with. Try to find similarities between the person that you are angry with and yourself. When you really look at the people around you, just about everyone has their own “fear issues”.
Anger is a good emotion because it tells you that there is something deeper that needs to be addressed. Once you realize this, you can begin to resolve some of you deeper issues. Unresolved anger means that the underlying issues have not been acknowledged or looked at and as long as they remain unresolved, you will remain angry, angry, angry!
Remember that all your emotions are valid, you are important and taking care of your emotions and addressing them is one way of taking care of yourself. By doing this, you will gain a deeper understanding of who you really are.
Sending love to you all…